SANTA VS THE CHIPLETS BOOK II
AN HONEST MISTAKE
by
Gabriel R. Lopez

EXT.SMALL DOGGIE DOOR (random home)
Calvin is guiding Mimas as they approach the door.

CALVIN
Aggie?

MIMAS
Where is he?

CALVIN
He wouldn’t dare…


INT.KITCHEN
Calvin pokes his head in through a doggie door at the base of the door to the outside.

CALVIN
(loud whisper)Aggie, you in here?

The camera pulls back as Calvin enters and we see Agador is sitting on the top of a paper towel roll hanging from a cabinet under the sink. As Calvin passes under the roll Agador decides to give Calvin a light scare.

AGADOR
BOO!

CALVIN
Yipe!

AGADOR
Ha ha.

CALVIN
Shhh!

AGADOR
Oh c’mon, what are you worried about.

CALVIN
You can’t just wander into somebody’s house.

AGADOR
You worry to much.

CALVIN
I do not, now get down from there.

AGADOR
Give me one good reason too.

CALVIN
It’s dangerous, and this place could belong to taxidermists.

Agador hops off the paper towel roll.

AGADOR
You worry too much. Look, they even set out a bowl of food.

CALVIN
That’s because it’s a dog dish you goof.

AGADOR
Oh right, like there are any dogs that small.

CUT TO

Upstairs, at the foot of a bed a Chihuahua terrier mix sleeps. He is wearing reindeer ears and has on a bright red harness. Around his neck a collar sporting a bell and an ID tag. Skeezy is no ordinary dog, he’s a violent little Napoleonic terror. Skeezy is busily chasing rabbits in dreamland when the sound of breaking glass awakens him. Ready for the hunt. After Skeezy hops off the bed we see a POV shot as he wanders down the hall, climbs down the stairs and approaches the kitchen. We then see a POV shot of Calvin and Agador’s current argument in the kitchen.

CALVIN
Oh great, you broke it.

We see evidence of a broken cookie jar on the ground.

AGADOR
how else was I supposed to get to the cookies?

CALVIN
Well for starters it had a lid, and those aren’t cookies they’re dog biscuits.

CUT TO

Mimas bumps into Skeezy who is arguably twice his size.

MIMAS
Calvin? Oh good, I thought I lost you.

CALVIN
Uh, Mimas. I’m over here.

Dun. Dun. dun. Insert dramatic chipmunk scene as the camera zooms in as Mimas turns around. Over his shoulder we see a close up of Skeezy growling. Mimas turns around slowly, a POV shot brings Skeezy into focus from a blurred state. The camera them moves to a cowboy shot of Mimas and Skeezy

MIMAS
My, what big teeth you have.

Skeezy barks and gives chase as the chipmunks run around the kitchen like chickens with their heads cut off. Eventually the chase spills out into the living room and the chipmunks take refuge under the sofa. The camera then cuts to a shot of Skeezy trying to dig his way under the sofa. All the chipmunks are out of breath. Agador panics

AGADOR
We’re all going to die!

CALVIN
I know you are.

MIMAS
he’s pretty small, chances are he could only eat one of us.

CALVIN
So what‘s your point?

AGADOR
It was Calvin’s fault.

CALVIN
It ain‘t my fault, I look both ways before I cross the street.

MIMAS
Guys. We need to figure out a way to get away from here in one piece. You’re bickering isn’t helping any.

CALVIN
Right. Weapons check.

The chipmunks survey the area underneath the sofa. Dental floss, a toothbrush, a remote, tube socks, a half eaten bag of chips, a squeaky ball, and a Styrofoam cup are littering the area.

CALVIN
Man, these people are slobs.

MIMAS
Thank God for small favors.

AGADOR
So what’s the plan?

Outside the sofa we see Skeezy bark once or twice before attempting to dig his way under the sofa. We hear a squeaky sound from the squeaky ball and then we see the ball roll out from under the sofa. Distracted, Skeezy grabs the ball and begins to play with it. From the other side of the sofa wee see two tube socks and a Styrofoam cup walking toward the kitchen. The one in the Styrofoam cup separates from the others and bumps into skeezy. The dog notices Mimas peeking out from under the Styrofoam cup, and the chase resumes. Eventually the trio makes it to the doggie door, with Skeezy on their heels. Fortunately, Mimas narrowly averts death when Skeezy’s antlers get caught in the doggie door. The chipmunks then squirrel their way through the chain link fence and they’re out of there.

EXT.BUS STOP (afternoon)
It is raining. The fluorescent light of the covered bench reveals Calvin, Mimas, and Agador huddled together. The trio is using a bus schedule to protect themselves from the rain.


MIMAS
Calvin, out of curiosity, do you have any idea where we’re going?


CALVIN
Sure do.

MIMAS
Would you like to share.

CALVIN
We’re going to see Santa Claus.

AGADOR
Who?

CALVIN
You know Santa, the guy the humans worship every year around Christmas.

MIMAS
And how does this help us?

CALVIN
Well think about it…

MIMAS
I don’t follow.

CALVIN
Heavy boots of black, lot’s of toys within his sack. Ring any bells?

MIMAS
Not really.


CALVIN
Anyway, Santa is this wealthy billionaire guy who gives away free stuff around the holidays.

MIMAS
I see, and how exactly did you acquire this information?

CALVIN
Unlike you, I can read.

AGADOR
Hey guys! I see the bus.

The bus itself drives past the bus stop without hesitation.

AGADOR
Hey, why didn’t it stop?

MIMAS
Probably because their aren’t any humans here. Duh.

CALVIN
Jeez, were never getting out of here… hey Aggie, can I see that quarter you found earlier?

AGADOR
No, it’s mine.

CALVIN
What you going to do with it?

AGADOR
Buy me some jelly beans.

CALVIN
What if I promise to get you something better than jelly beans?

AGADOR
Really?


CALVIN
Uh huh.

AGADOR
Ok!

CUT TO

INT.CAFÉ
The walls inside the café are the color of caramel. A barista is managing the cash registers at a counter.

BARISTA
Achoo! (sniffle, clears throat) These allergies are killing me.

CALVIN
(O.S.) hey, buddy.

The barista turns his head to look for the voice and sees Calvin approaching the counter.
CALVIN
(whistles) yoo-hoo. Down here.

BARISTA
Why hello there little guy. What are you doing here?

CALVIN
Uh, yes. I would like a double bacon guacamole burger, a chocolate banana smoothie and fries if you got them.

Calvin drops the quarter on the counter.

BARISTA
Uh huh, and how you planning to pay for all that?

Calvin pushes the quarter across the counter toward the barista.

CALVIN
Surely you’ve heard of my friend. General Washington.


BARISTA
Okay, Dude that’s a quarter. That wouldn’t buy you three ketchup packets and a french-fry.

CALVIN
Oh… kay then I’ll have two french-fries and a ketchup packet.

CUT TO

EXT.BUS STOP
The rain has stopped. Agador and Mimas are bored. They are sitting under the bench waiting for Calvin to return.

MIMAS
This Santa fellah sounds suspicious. One man, traveling the world, giving away billions of dollars worth of free stuff, and granting peoples wishes… I mean, how does he do it?

AGADOR
I think he runs the Coca-Cola corporation.

MIMAS
Ah. So, he’s uses the toys to sell Coke children. I knew there was something fishy about that guy.


INT.CAFÉ (candy machine.)
We watch a series of acrobatics performed by Calvin as he extorts jellybeans from a candy machine and uses a napkin as a makeshift paper sack. He then exit’s the store as a patron enters.

EXT.BUS STOP
Calvin rushes to the other chipmunks who are lounging underneath the bench at the bus stop.

CALVIN
Alright guys, dig in.

Calvin unloads the jellybeans.

AGADOR
Hey, you said you’d get something better.

CALVIN
I did.

Calvin continues to speak, but as he does so he takes the napkin and covers his right arm like a matador. He then waves his left hand over the napkin like a magician and pulls off the napkin while extending his right arm level with his shoulder. Three packages of coffee creamer appear on his arm, stacked with two cups at the base as the one on the top threatens to fall over. Mimas appears from behind Calvin and sets the creamers on the ground neatly, chooses one of the creamers, and tears of the lid and starts chugging.

CALVIN
(cont’d)Well, I also managed to get some of those little cups filled with cream, and…

Calvin then shakes the seemingly empty napkin as foil coated chocolates fall out.

CALVIN
I got truffles.

AGADOR
Sweet!

Agador lunges for the chocolate and starts unwrapping the foil packaging.

CALVIN
Hey, Mimas. How much longer till the next bus arrives?

MIMAS
One thousand six hundred and forty-two heartbeats. give or take a thump or two.

CALVIN
Awe jeez, that’s like a half hour.

AGADOR
(munching on chocolate) More like Twenty-two minutes and change.

MIMAS
Whatever, I hope this Santa Claus fellah is worth the trouble.

CALVIN
No worries there, we’ll be living like kings by sunset.


The rain has started again, the wind is blowing. A rusted Datsun truck passes with an unraveled piece of twine dragging the road from the truck bed. The truck stops at the stoplight a few meters from the chiplets.

MIMAS
Guys, I got an idea. C’mon lets go.

Calvin and Agador follow Mimas. As soon as they reach the truck the turn signal changes green and the truck starts moving Mimas has climbed up the rope into the truck bed and turns around to see Calvin struggling to hold onto Agador who has slipped off of the rope. Mimas doubles back and helps Calvin and Agador into the truck bed as the truck finishes its turn and continues on the highway. The chiplets crawl into a flowerpot to get out of the rain.

MIMAS
Not so bad huh?

CALVIN
We’re going in the wrong direction.

MIMAS
Nuh uh.


CALVIN
Yeah huh.

MIMAS
Agador checked. According to the flyer, there’s a second Santa at the meadows mall.

CALVIN
Second Santa? That doesn’t sound right.

MIMAS
Well I don’t think he can be in two places at once. do you?

CALVIN
Whatever. Even if it’s one of his elves we can still make out like bandits.

CUT TO

EXT.COSSWALK
The trio are balanced one on top of the other. Mimas is on the bottom, Calvin is in the middle and Agador is on top stretching to push the button to for the light. Agador then looks down.

AGADOR
Okay, it should work.

CALVIN
It’s green.

Agador climbs down, Calvin hops off Mimas and the tree are barely 1/16 of the way across the crosswalk before the light changes.

MIMAS
8 seconds.

CALVIN
Don’t worry, I do this all the time. Just keep going and We should be able to make it to the median before…

Just before the trio reaches the median a car inches forward. Calvin stops and

AGADOR
Ahh!

Calvin and Mimas pull Agador onto the median.


MIMAS
Ok, we only have to cross four more lanes.

AGADOR
Maybe we should wait until nightfall. There wouldn’t be as much traffic then.

CALVIN
And, make it easier for cars to make us go sploot. Are you nuts?

MIMAS
I agree with Calvin. As long as the cars can see us they’re more willing to run themselves off the road to avoid us.

AGADOR
But I don’t think the cars can see us.

CALVIN
True, but at least we can see them.

MIMAS
Green blur, green blur.

CALVIN
(looks at Agador) You coming or what?

Agador trembles, holding his tail, uncertain as the Mimas and Calvin continue crossing the street. Calvin looks back once he’s halfway across one lane.

CALVIN
We’ll give Santa your regards.

Agador looks at Calvin and then turns and looks back the way they came. Making the decision to follow the others Agador rushes after the others and catches up with Calvin in the second lane as they continue across the roadway.

AGADOR
Wait up!

The three companions make it safely across the street, pass through some bushes, rush over a block wall and enter a parking garage.

FADE OUT

INT.PARKING GARAGE

AGADOR
This is a mall?

CALVIN
It’s more spacious than I thought.

AGADOR
Man, what a gyp.

MIMAS
Where’s Santa… all I see here is a bunch of cars.

Cut to a POV shot. we see the undercarriages of several vehicles as the camera stalks the chiplets Calvin and Mimas have their backs to the camera.

CALVIN
Trying to cover your tracks are we?

MIMAS
What are you talking about?

CALVIN
Oh come on, I knew this whole second Santa thing was a crock.


Agador, uninterested in the argument bends down to stare directly into the POV.

MIMAS
like this is my fault.

CALVIN
I wasn’t the one who thought it would be a good idea to spend an hour in the back of a pickup truck.


AGADOR
Uh Guys. I think I see something moving under here.

CALVIN
Let me see.

Calvin intentionally pushes Mimas out of the way to get a better look.

CALVIN
Dude, you’re crazy, I don’t see ‘nothing.

POV camera zooms/ darts toward the chiplets.

CUT TO

CALVIN, MIMAS, and AGADOR
AHHH!

Camera switches toward standard view as a mouse 1/3 the chipmunks’ size latches itself onto AGADOR.

AGADOR
Get it off! Get it off!

Mimas falls on his back and rolls around as he attempts to remove the beast. Calvin and Mimas tear the mouse away from Agador

MOUSE
Squeak, squeaky, squeak, squeaker, squeaksta!

MIMAS
Chill little guy. We don’t want to hurt you.

MOUSE
Squeak! Sqee, squeak.

Calvin helps Agador to his feet while Mimas restrains their attacker.

AGADOR
God, I hope he’s not rabid.

CALVIN
What’s he saying.


MIMAS
Sqweaken der squeak?

MOUSE
Nya, squeak squeak.

MIMAS
Ok. His name is squeky, he’s a three week old Norwegian brown rat from south central California. He lost his mama and now he’s looking for Santa also.

CALVIN
You got all that from three squeaks.

MIMAS
No dummy, I made it up. What makes you think I speak anything but English.

Squeaky breaks free of Mimas grip. gets on all fours and circles the three like cat.

MOUSE
Nyow, hiss.

AGADOR
I knew it, he’s rabid.

CALVIN
don’t be silly he’s probably warning us there’s a cat nearby.

The mouse then gets up, points at Calvin and nods his head yes.

MIMAS
You know for someone who has a brain the size of a pea, he’s pretty smart.

AGADOR
Are you talking about Calvin or squeky?

MIMAS
Does it matter?

CALVIN
You’re one to talk.


Calvin and Mimas’ bickering comes to a halt when squeky points behind them, a horrified look on his face as he Squeaks in a dramatic fashion.


MOUSE
SQUEEEEEEEK!

Cut to the scene of a cat leaping in front of the camera. As the cat sweeps over the camera the camera fades to black, then pause five seconds on a blank screen in silence.

CUT TO

Handheld camera style view of the Calvin, Mimas, Agador, and squeky as they run through the parking lot in a panic.

Mimas runs headlong into a 44oz left in one of the parking spaces, causing a chain reaction whereby he and the cup roll momentarily into the Soda pop before he regains his footing and catches up with the others.

Calvin gets separated from the others and becomes the primary target of the feline aggressor. Calvin rushes under a car, rushes across the parkway toward a rusty Chevrolet with heavy rear impact damage, using the tailpipe, license plate, and the bungee cord keeping the trunk closed to squirrel his way up the back of the vehicle. Calvin rushes across the sheet metal of the trunk toward the rearview window.

The cat is discovered on the roof of the car, Calvin slips on the metal and slides partway of the window glass before twisting the front part of his body and doubling back to the left side of the damaged trunk. He heads for a ding in the trunk that leads to an opening in the trunk/car.

Calvin squeezes through the hole and enters the trunk of the car. Calvin is out of breath and breathes a sigh of relief.

INT. TRUNK
The relief is short lived however as the cat’s paw slips through the opening causing Calvin to back into a switch.

The switch was attached to a pipe bomb, and a monitor flips up indicating its time to detonation within the next three minutes. Calvin remains oblivious to this as he squeezes out an opening to the far right of the trunk corner of the trunk.
EXT. CHEVY
we see the cat propped and peeking in through the hole in the front left side of the trunk as Calvin quietly slips out of through the small opening near the fender of the trunk

CUT TO
EXT.DRAIN PARKING GARAGE (some distance away from Calvin)

The others have squirreled their way across the parking garage and are hiding in the parking drain. All of them are breathing heavily and leaning against the inside of the pipe.

A curious, Agador wanders toward the light of the opening

CALVIN
Boo!

Agador is startled.
AGADOR
AHH!

Agador hugs Calvin before he backs away.

AGADOR
How’d you get away from the cat?

CALVIN
(sounding cocky) Naturally I used my ninja skill.(Karate chop) woo-ha! Now lets get out of dodge before something else weird happens.

The chiplets and Ralpie exit the pipe one by one Mimas all four rodents are about to exit the parking lot, Mimas looks back and sees a car explode.

EXT.PARKING GARAGE

We see the chaplets and squeky fall against a patch of grass at an incline. The quartette falls to the ground in an arch one right after the other along with shrapnel and flaming debris.

CALVIN
Holy Shit! That was awesome.

MIMAS
(whining, eyes squinty) I’m blind!

CALVIN
(waving his right arm in front of Mimas) Could you see before?

MIMAS
(sarcastic) Ha ha! Real funny.

Agador is holding a shivering squeky the way a child might hold a dog.

AGADOR
Quit fighting you’re scaring squeky.

CALVIN
We are not keeping that greasy mouse. Heaven knows where that thing has been.

MIMAS
Hey, does anyone else smell burned waffles and bacon.

Calvin and the others look in the direction behind Mimas.

CALVIN
Oh god, It’s still alive.

The others run away in a panic leaving Mimas to fend for himself.

MIMAS
I don’t get it, What’s still alive?

The camera pulls away the cat from the parking lot, it ears drawn back in outrage, a low murr sound emanating from its gnarled form.

MIMAS
(pitiful squeak)…Guys?


A plastic soda lid flies softly and lightly taps the Cat on the head. The cat’s ear tweaks and he looks for where it came from.
CUT TO

We see a cowboy shot of Calvin twirling a soda straw like a bo staff. The camera then cuts to a long shot of Calvin bringing the base of the straw to the cat’s chin pushing the cat from the parking lot to back off. Calvin looks at Mimas

CALVIN
Grab my tail.

Close-up shot of Mimas.

MIMAS
What’s going on?

Calvin brushes his feather duster of a tail against Mimas face.

CALVIN
Shut your yap and grab on.

CAT
HISS! (swat’s the straw with it’s paw.)

The straw separates into five pieces as it falls apart.

CALVIN
Any minute now.

MIMAS grabs onto Calvin’s tail. Calvin with Mimas in tow catches up to Agador and hidden in the bushes.

FADE OUT

To be continued…